Being Weird
Monthly Review : April
I know I am weird and I hardly miss a chance to assert that because people need to know what they are dealing with, but it didn’t occur to me how weird I was until a few interactions over the past month. I didn’t realize the ideas and thoughts my brain generate can be so bizarre. I didn’t realize the things I focus on are not the same as what others do given the same context.
My friend and I were talking about The Father (go watch it if you haven’t!) and one discussion point was if Anne was genuinely concerned about her father, who was living with dementia. My friend had doubts because she could be acting “her father’s perception of how he wants her to be”, and also she didn’t seem sad when she was walking out from the nursing home that she had admitted her father. In that scene, there was a sculpture in the background that looked like a mask.
I, on the other hand, completely missed that because the only thought I had was how inappropriate it was to have a sculpture like this outside a nursing home for dementia patients. How morbid, how offensive.
“How do you even think about such things?”
My friend and I were watching the sky when I told her about how birds have ears. She didn’t believe me and googled for herself, and soon doubled back and questioned how I even think about such things. I explained when I was walking in a park last week, there was a bird in front of me and it flew away when I got closer. I was sure the bird didn’t see me because I was directly behind it so I wondered how it knew I was there. And the most logical answer I could think of was it heard my footsteps but, do birds have ears?
During that walk, I also thought about the hierarchy of the world we live in and aging, triggered by another incident with another bird. I was walking on a path at the beginning of a bend such that I couldn’t see what was ahead. I guess that was also the experience of this bird coming from the other side of this bend heading towards my direction because we caught each other by surprise. In a split second, the bird changed its path, swerved to the side and out of sight. I only had enough time to stop walking and stand there.
The reaction and agility of the bird impressed me, but it also showed how afraid the bird was of me, a human. We were both on the same trajectory that was going to collide, and because of what I am, I didn’t have to do anything at all to avoid that because subconsciously, I knew the bird was going to make way. There is something about the strong and the weak, something about the dynamics, something about the natural order of things. Perhaps also something about the awareness of the injustice that I cannot yet put into words.
The reactions and agility of the bird also made me wonder if older birds are capable of that. Do birds age like human do and can no longer react as fast, or move like it used to be able to. All the birds we see flattened on the roads, are they the result and representation of aging?
“… she is weird”
My friend and I were in an online meeting together and because she was the organizer, she introduced each of us to everyone of us. It always fascinated me what others thought about me because sometimes through their impression, I get a better glimpse of who I am. I know I am weird and expresses myself as such, but I never expected anyone to outrightly describe me as weird, not to strangers who barely knew me. That happened, and well, it felt weird.
In the society we live in, being weird seems to have a slightly bad connotation on the black and white scale of good and bad. But the thing is, it is okay to be weird, and I love being weird. Because when I’m weird, I get to ponder alternative perspectives, I get to discover new things, sometimes I even get the free pass to do something outrageously weird.
To people who are “not weird”, the secret is everyone is weird. So don’t be too quick to judge yourself for being weird because sometimes when you express your weirdness, you inspire others to do the same and instantly it is not weird anymore. Other times when you express your weirdness and don’t inspire others to do the same, you find the people who treasure and accept you for who you are.
And to the people who treasure and accept me for who I am, thank you so much ❤
