Thoughts on 2017
Didn’t think I’d be one to do year end reflections but this year passed so fast that I never really got the chance to stop and think about what was happening around me. Staring out of windows on long bus rides were few and far between. If there were any, they were distracted by texts and social media. Cycling was tainted by efforts to try to couple the activity with training up my fitness and thoughts of getting home in time for dinner. Showers were rushed so that I can quickly get to bed in preparation for work the next day. Weekends… I can’t even remember much where they went. Hence, on this very nice rainy day and I don’t have to work, I thought this might be a good time to finally do this much needed reflections.
The one thing that made 2017 exceptionally different was the introduction to the whole concept of work. After about 16 years of time tables and compulsory after class activities to attend, I was suddenly thrown into this new lifestyle that I am supposed to define for myself. A year has passed and I am still trying to adapt and make sense of it.
At the beginning, it was simple. Work from 9 am-6 pm from Mondays to Fridays, and I can spend the rest of the time however I want. But then, a Whatsapp group was created and I was in it with my bosses. Then, a rather important person was coming in and I was in the office till about 10 pm to finish preparation. And then, colleagues flew in from other countries and we hung out after work. But at the same time, beside just Whatsapp, Telegram was also installed on my work laptop. On days when it was close to impossible to get out of bed, I reach office at 9.20 am. When I went to Dubai for work, I had a couple of days off to explore the place. Worst of all, I made a friend at work.
All of a sudden now, work is not just work anymore. It is not just something that I have to do, not just something that society prescribes so that it can function as it does. Work has slowly become an influence that shapes my thinking, a space that allows me to find out more about myself and possibly who I want to be. Work has become a great setting to explore the complexities and simplicities of human relationships, the shit we do to one another and all the joy we also bring into each other’s lives. I don’t think going forward, it is going to revert back to the one-dimensional, conventional understanding of work. I don’t know if I will be okay with that but be comfortable with the uncomfortable, right?
Something else that featured very strongly in the past year was the relationships around me. I saw how a respectful, trusting relationship became estranged after an argument and both parties stop putting in effort to see from the other’s perspective. Things got a bit trickier when one is in a position of authority. On the other hand, I also saw how two people can always be at odds with each other at work but then go for karaoke session after. There were also relationships that stop being one when one person was afraid to reveal much and the other too impatient, and another that blossomed when the people in it readily shared their closest, dearest thoughts and concerns.
From these, I have come to realise three things. First is people want to be understood but don’t necessarily always want to understand. Second is the moment we stop trying to understand each other, that is when the relationship starts going downhill. Last is when someone does not want to be understood, there is almost nothing you can do about it. Definitely, not all relationships can be grasped in these ways, but all in all, I think I have done a pretty decent job in trying to understand humans and their ways and I hope to be continuously challenged in the coming year at this being human thing.
All in all, like all the other years of my life prior to this, 2017 has been a year of growth and discoveries, challenging changes and mundane routines. It might not be the year I will recall fervently when I’m 80 but certainly, it will contribute greatly into the person I am going to be in 2018.
If you’ve read till this point, thank you. I wasn’t sure about the purpose of this writing but thought I might as well publish this in case someone can relate to it. I hope this writing make sense to you. If not, leave your comments below and I will try to make sense of them.
